Survivors Story

I will be sixty years old this month, and I have never told my story to anyone, although it has tormented me for 55 years. It happened when I was a boy aged five. My older sister was very, very ill, and had to be taken by my parents to the Mayo Clinic. My father brought a woman to the house to take care of me and my other sister while they were gone. My mother was upset about it, and I now know she was my father’s lover and drinking companion. My sister and I slept upstairs, and on the first night, the sitter let me stay up, but made my older sister go to bed. The woman was drinking whiskey and made me drink it too. I remember she stood me on the dining room table and pulled down my pants and sucked my penis. She took me in the living room and sat on the couch and pulled her dress up and forced my face into her vagina, or made me stand between her legs so she could rub it on me. Sometimes I threw up and she would slap my face. It would continue until she passed out. It happened every night until my parents came back two weeks later. I was sure she was going to kill me, there was nothing erotic in it for a five year old boy, and I didn’t understand her actions. No one ever knew. As an adult, I haven’t been able to love women fully. I’ve been married five times, but for the last ten years I’ve lived alone. I’d like to have a loving woman, but I think it is too late for me. To those who are younger, don’t wait to face your demons, seek help.